The Can’t Get Online Tales

I’ve been thinking about ways to keep the Can’t Get Online campaign going, now the week has ended. The problems the Week highlighted have not gone away, although I hope it did something to help bring solutions closer.

Some time ago, I read an article about the novel and movie plot lines which would be ruined had their narratives taken place after the invention of the mobile phone. But that doesn’t apply in many rural areas. Without a mobile signal, people cannot be tracked down or interrupted, or call for help.

The most important part of Can’t Get Online Week, for me, was the collection of stories people had to tell about the problems that not being able to get online presented them with. I think stories are powerful tools for engagement. So, I present a couple of “Can’t Get Online” Tales for your enjoyment or critique. And please feel free to post your own.

Little Red Riding Hood and the lack of network signal

As Little Red Riding Hood makes her way through the forest her parents hear stories on the news about a wolf loose in the neighbourhood. Their frantic calls fail to alert Red, however, as their is no signal coverage in the forest. As Red arrives at Grandma’s cottage, a brief moment of connection flashes a warning text message on her phone, but it is too late to stop the wolf slamming the door shut behind her and gobbling her up.

Later the wolf slopes off to sleep off his huge, undigested meal, but makes the mistake of heading for the local hill-top which has line-of-sight to a distant phone mast. The hunter is alerted by Red Riding Hood’s phone ringing in the wolf’s belly and cuts him open to release Red and her grandma.

Jack and The Beans-Talk-Talk

Jack’s mother tries to research the likely selling price of the family cow on the internet, but, frustrated by her slow connection, she sends Jack off to market, telling him to “get what he can”. When Jack returns with the magic beans, his mother attempts to go online to find out what they are, but the answers take too long to download. so she throws the beans out of the window in frustration.

The next morning, Jack climbs up the beanstalk, but finds there is no mobile signal in the giant’s castle, so is unable to tell anyone else what he has found. Later, as he hides in terror from the enraged giant, a brief moment of connection causes the text message signal on his phone to sound loudly in his pocket, giving away his location to the giant, and forcing him to flee, leading to the denouement of the tale, with the cutting down of the beanstalk with giant crashing to the ground, before Jack has had a chance to steal any of the treasure in the castle.

Do you have your own Can’t Get Online tale?

One thought on “The Can’t Get Online Tales

  1. Once upon a time there were three little pigs. They had all heard of the internet and the benefits it could bring, so they set about getting a connection. The first little pig lived next to a big green box, and his connection was very fast and he enjoyed finding bargains and playing games. He could talk to the other pigs in far away countries and he was a very happy pig.
    The second little pig lived in a cute village, and he couldn’t get a very good connection, but he was content just surfing to a few pages and waiting patiently while they loaded because he had a lovely view.
    The third little pig lived near the forest, and he couldn’t get a connection at all. He was determined to get one so the other little pigs could warn him when the big bad wolf was around. He dug a long trench right to the pump that the internet came out of and put a fibre down it and he ended up with the best connection of them all. The big bad wolf couldn’t catch him out, because he put a femtocell in his chimney and a webcam which made his smart phone bleep if anyone with big teeth came near his house.
    He ended up being a very happy piggy, because all the other pigs and animals in the forest wanted to join his network and they all paid him to use it so he bought a faster pump and they all went faster than the first piggy next to the green box so they beat him at games.
    The second little piggy is still waiting for his facebook page to load, but he has a lovely view…

Leave a Reply to chrisconder Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.